You who open the vault of Heaven

Song To The Secret Name Of The Star Goddess (Mar '02)

You Who Open The Vault Of Heaven

Out Of The Blackness

Comes Spinning Of Stars

By T. Thorn Coyle - http://www.thorncoyle.com/

This chant has been going through my head on a regular basis since the retreat last fall. It is one of the most beautiful and powerful chants I know. You can hear a recording of it here. I had an amazing experience while singing and dancing this chant that I am changed `;~)

And as I've been trying to decide whether I want to start my 2nd degree training, this chant has come to more and more often. I've listened to my fears and that nasty voice in the back of my head. Reasoned out why all of those things are true and all of those things are false. For in everything there is a grain of truth and a pinch of deception.

I think the thing about fears is that the longer you deny them, the stronger they become. Until they become this great big monster that eats you all up. Then what do you have left? Absolutely nothing. The seed of most fears is a real event in a person's life. What may seem a ridiculous and unreasonable fear of butterflies could have stemmed from a traumatic experience of a child getting her blood taken at the hospital where they glued a fake butterfly onto a needle to help ease the children's fears or to disguise what they were doing*. You can't know or understand why another person fears something. Sometimes, they themselves may not know.

Regardless, fears are real and the more you deny them the stronger they become.

It's funny, I never used to be a fearful person until my life went to hell in a handbasket  a year ago. If I was asked what my fears were, I would have said it was fear itself. I have always feared what fear will do to me, will I freeze when faced with it, will I push past it and get done what needs to be done?

I've always been able to push past it and get through whatever needed doing, but this last year has been harder, the voices more insistant. So this year, I'm putting on my big girl panties and getting down to what is.

So I've submitted my letter of request and am moving forward. I'm looking at doing things I've put off for too long. No more excuses!

It is what it is and it too shall pass!

So Mote it Be!